Verbatim, Out Of My Mouth Two Minutes Ago As I Spotted A Large Winged Insect Creeping Across My Floor

• “Motherfucker, what is that?”
• Heading to closet to retrieve shoe/murder weapon: “Oh no, we are NOT doing this tonight.”
• Smashing the nasty thing violently: “Guh!  DIE!”

Just so you know, I’m still alive here in Dayton.  That freaky bug, sadly, is not.

Rebel

Oh my God, I just took an empty tissue box and stuffed it, whole and unflattened, into my trash can. 

My dad would be having an aneurysm if he knew.