Summa Summa Summatime

Hello.  I’ve missed you.  Like, a lot.  Only for some reason I didn’t realize it until it hit me hard in the face this morning.  And then I had to go to four hours of class.  Figures.  But because of my lack of writing over the summer, I decided that I should definitely do an extensive recap, in the same vein as this, but totally way better.  I’m trying to type fast here, which is hard on a practically empty stomach, plus I’ve got this funky Batman ring on, which is all sorts of awkward, but also all sorts of awesome, but I want to finish this soon because I feel like I owe this to…somebody.  Maybe myself.  So let’s talk about this summer, in depth and in detail:

This summer was so so SO different from last summer.  It was not the best summer of my life, and while I was in it, I didn’t appreciate it at all, but now, looking back, it was pretty fucking golden.  This summer started with tears in the arms of my (now ex-) roommate over having to leave so much of what I had loved and grown comfortable with.  The beginning of summer brought an end to something else; it brought an end to my “rescue year”.  The people and places I encountered through the year saved me time and time again, and leaving them behind was so scary because I knew that when I returned in the fall, everything would be different, would have changed.  And change is very hard for me.  So this summer was a little scary.  This summer I readjusted to being in Dayton, to working there instead of here, to being with those friends more often than BG friends.  This summer I didn’t have a freakin’ CAR for the first month-ish of being home, so I felt isolated and bored and frustrated alot.  My dad took me to and from work, so this summer was kind of like being 14, only I didn’t work when I was 14, so maybe not.  Anyways, this summer there was a Florida family vacation for my oldest sister’s wedding, which was understated and perfect and made me believe in true love and all that icky stuff.  This summer was waves and sand and dinners out and lots and lots of family time in the evenings.  This summer was Coldstone, Coldstone, Coldstone day in, day out, working with some people I knew and loved from last summer and some new people whom I now know and love, too.  There were regulars, Virgil the ice cream machine, a broken freezer door, and in general alot of fun that consisted of the last memories I may ever make there.  This summer was also pretty fattening.  This summer was a drunken late-night walk up ghetto Main Street in search of food; instead we found goth kids and prostitutes.  Not a bad trade-off.  This summer two of my very best friends in the whole wide world left for month long trips to Spain and Cameroon, and I felt stranded without them.  I threw myself into working as much as possible because there was not a whole lot else to do.  This summer I spent so much time with Martha, trying to make up for the fact that we won’t see each other a whole lot this year.  I think the people working at the local cheap movie theater started to recognize our faces this summer because of the sheer amount of nights we went to see crap like Obsessed and 17 Again.  Yes, I paid money to see both of those films.  We all know how I feel about Beyonce, people!  And Zac Efron…well, that was a sacrifice I made for Martha’s sake.  This summer I got Lost in Austen, and MY GOD it was horribly wonderful, and I highly suggest it.  This summer saw the return of the trip to Indian Lake for Martha’s yearly family reunion, which oh my GOD, I have missed.  Her family is HUGE and doesn’t mind when I get drunk on whiskey, and her cousins and uncles all do their best to charm me.  It always works.  This summer was a spectacular camping trip involving sangria and apple pie, as well as dirtbikes and whole flaming tree branches.  I like a mix of classy and hillbilly, sometimes.  I saw this band in concert this summer, only to be severely disappointed when their lead singer acted like a total dick, insulting other bands and actually criticizing the way Columbus was laid out, like when was the last time you worked professionally as a city planner, dude?  Shut your trap.  I spent alot of time this summer lonely for school and school people, which meant I traveled back and forth to Springboro alot to visit my future/now current roommate, after, oh yeah, I GOT A FREAKING CAR!!!  That might have been the highlight of my summer.  That or the time I threw up in an East Side Wendy’s parking lot.  Oh yes.  Highlights galore.  This summer was Gossip Girl, Dorm Life, and Mad Men at the very end, so this summer was super dramatic and award-winning.  Because I was so lonely for BG, this summer I also took a trip up here to see some of the people I missed the most.  The trip involved me touching snakes and lizards, standing by while a train sped past my face, eating dinner with a motley crew of friends and friends of friends, and having the exact same conversation with a drunken co-worker while he was well and truly plastered and then sober the next morning.  This summer was baseball, like every other summer, which is not bad, but cozy.  The Cold War Kids and My Morning Jacket came into my life this summer, so as far as music goes, this summer was pretty damn satisfactory.  You would probably be surprised how many times I carted drunk friends to Waffle House this summer.  Once, the cops were called, and the giant, imposing chef bellowed at people to get out.  They listened.  With good reason, trust and believe.  This summer I almost skipped the best barbeque of my life.  Thank God Martha is so persuasive, otherwise I wouldn’t have the memory of waking up (miraculouslyalone in my own bed at home, to an alarm someone had had the good sense to set for me) still drunk in purple frog pajama shorts on backwards with puncture wounds in both my arms.  No, it wasn’t heroin.  It was almost as trashy, though.  Sigh.  Can that be the motto of my summer?  Or, better yet, my life?  “No, it wasn’t heroin.  It was almost as trashy, though.”  That’s the life of every Daytonian.  This summer…wasn’t all that bad.  I’m glad to be back where I am, but part of me now misses it a little.  This summer, I was spoiled, working at an easy job, making decent money, driving around in a new-to-me car, seeing the people I love as much as possible, while still having PLENTY of me time.  So in the end, this summer was pretty OK.

Hang In There!

Oh my gosh, I’m attempting to work furiously on getting a couple new updates posted here, since it’s been, ohhhhhhhh a solid 3 months since the last time I bothered to write shit.  And I don’t even know why, because this summer I was completely listless the majoity of the time, but more on that later.  Just bear with me; I’m writing in the cracks of time I have free from class and work and homework and my life up here, but new things are coming soon, and hopefully with much more regularity than they did last spring and summer.  Fingers crossed.

A Detour Is a Choice Between Two Tasks, Each With Its Own Pros And Cons

Well!  It’s February!  Would you look at that!  I feel like such a shithead for not writing here for the past three weeks.  Seriously, like I couldn’t sleep last night because my mind was racing with things I wanted to write about.  I know I’m not really accountable to anyone with regards to this blog because no one reads it, but the whole reason I started writing here wasn’t to become some famous-on-the-internet blogger.  It was more for my peace of mind than anything, because writing clears my head tremendously, and it’s actually something I’ve been doing mentally my whole life.  Seriosuly, when I was younger, I would just imagine how some writers would set down the most mundane daily events of my life in my head, narrating everyday shit to myself, like “As she exited her school building, Meredith scanned the mass of cars in the parking lot for her father’s distinguishable red [whatever kind of car that was].  She spotted it easily, strode over, and climbed in, pulling the door shut behind her.”  WHAT?  What is that, internet?  It’s so frightening that things like that happen in my head, but that’s something that happens all the time.  Only, uh, I think I’m a better writer now than I was when I would’ve thoguht something like that, which was 5th grade.  I mean, a better writer in my head.  And in real life too, I guess, but I ain’t tryin to give myself props here, people.  That’s your job.  Man, probably the only reason I have friends is because I’ve never told anyone about that habit, ever. 

Another reason I write is summed up in one of my favorite quotes: “Writing is opening up a crack just wide enough to let some light into you, and some you onto the page, so that the next person feels less alone”.  I hope someday someone stumbles across what I have written here and sees something they can relate to, apply to their life, or just laugh at because they’ve been there before.  That’s what I want.  And in the meantime, if it means that a little light is let into me in the process, so that I figure out something abut myself as well?  All the better, I say.  It’s why I keep this up and why I don’t really think I’ll ever be able to stop writing; it’ll always go on, I hope, in some capacity.  And that quote, by the way, was taken from one of these, believe it or not. 

So, ok, I sat down to write an update with some of the silly and, yes, mundane things that have been going on in my life, and ended up accidentally getting all philisophical on your ass.  It happens.  Next time, maybe, I can tell you all about dancing with creepers and my thoughts on Keira Knightley.  But for now, I have to go learn how to write a sentence using the phrase anstatt…zu for my German test tomorrow.  Auf Wiedersehen!

I am so agitated right now I can barely fucking type.  I am agitated because I am carless.  I am agitated because this means having to rely on other people when I need to get somewhere, which means I have no control over the circumstances under which I get there and which also means I am a huge fucking inconvenience in someone else’s day, which I am always completely aware of and guilty about.  I do not want anyone to make a big deal about coming to get me, because it’s not and it doesn’t make me feel important or wanted, it makes me feel in the way.  It makes me feel restless and upset and fucking agitated.  It makes everything else in my life upsetting.  I am upset that I am eating a sub right now.  I’m upset that I’m drinking Starbucks.  I’m upset that my fucking back hurts for no apparent reason, but God DAMN does it fucking kill.  I’m upset that no one is home for me to just talk to and decompress with.  I’m upset that last night was a shitty night at work and that I went to bed telling myself it would all be fine tomorrow and it isn’t.  I’m upset to the point where I literally just threw a pre-school tantrum in my room which ended in me throwing myself into my chair in a huff of tears and frustration.  I’m upset that I’m so upset I can’t type straight.  I’m upset that I don’t have the means to get myself out of this mess that I got myself into.  I feel like a god-damned hooked fish struggling on the end of a line.  But most of all it just comes back to me being upset with me, because it was my carelessness and sheer stupidity that landed me here in the first place, and you can’t ever go back and do that over, can you?

Things I have Done In Lieu of Writing My Literary Theory Midterm:

• Chatted with China
• Gotten a latte
• Listened to Wilco’s “Shot in the Arm” on repeat
• Done several Sudokus
• Gone to work
• Ignored my alarm telling me to wake up and get started
• Used the word “lieu” for maybe the first time in my life

Things I Plan On Doing In Lieu of Writing My Literary Theory Midterm:

• Paint my nails a whorish pink
• Make some beef stew, maybe?
• Stick things under my neighbor Hannah’s door
• Man, that’s basically it

It’s Skyline Tiiiiiiiime

I realize that since I came back to school, I’ve sort of been neglecting any actual writing here in favor of short, 5-ish line posts, and I am sorry about that Roast Beef, but honestly I really do have at least four pieces also being neglected in my “Drafts” folder, plus about seventeen other ideas floating around in my head.  I realize that I keep making these promises to write longer posts about the deep thoughts and feelings I have about my life as a sophomore (and beyond!) and I continue to fail at coming through, but I really really really am going to give it the old college try.  Any day now.  Honestly.

That being said, let’s continue the tradition of bare bones posting, shall we?  Yesterday I found myself alone in my room with two people who had never heard of Skyline Chili.  This moment served to remind me of just how big the world really is, which I tend to forget sometimes becuase I live in Ohio, where it sometimes seems like everyone knows everyone else’s aunt, or old schoolteacher, or  brother’s best friend’s ex-girlfriend.