Bragging

I have the best bedside table known to man, y’all.  Things it is currently holding?  Tissues, iPod dock/clock, a small aloe plant, mini fan, Villette, phone charger plus phone, cup of water, and mini passion flower candle.  And it is barely crowded up in here.  You jeallyyyyyyy?

I’m sorry, but I’m just not to the stage in my relationship with one of my older sisters wherein I feel comfortable playing “ORAL” against her in our Words With Friends game.  I’m just not.

I don’t know WHAT it is about February, but it seems to be my favorite month in which to get bad-idea crushes.  Trying to reason with myself this afternoon.  It fucking suuuuuuuucks.

Life On The Ground Floor

One of the caveats of living on the ground floor of an apartment building is that if you ever have your blinds open, things with people outside can get awkward, and fast.  I’m just sitting innocently and pantslessly at my computer right now, eating chocolate and putting together a presentation, and there’s an older dude in a Xerox vehicle sitting directly outside my window, talking on his CAR PHONE, ok, and I feel like I’m engaged in a game of hide and seek or something.  Does he see me?  Without my pants on?  What if I move?  What if I need more water and have to get up?  What if we make awkward eye contact?  I mean, he is right outside my window.  I could throw up the sash and hit his car.  I should not be this stressed out about the situation, but there you have it.  Life on the ground floor.

Back In The Saddle

Boy, less than one week back in BG and I’m already drinking away paychecks, and kissing inappropriate people in front of even more inappropriate people, and walking myself home at 3 A.M., and being hungover until 9 o’clock at night, and barely managing to feed myself real meals regularly.  Home sweet home.  I guess I just know that all of this will disappear overnight when I move into my new apartment by myself in Athens come late August (which I promise promise promise to write about soon.  The search was…interesting, to say the least), so I might as well drink in my last few weeks of genuine college-town antics while they’re still available to me.  But still.  Maybe if it could involve a little bit fewer attempts to break into my own house with my debit card in the middle of the night, things would be swelly.

A Year In The Life, Part Two

Alright!  I am motherfuckin’ determined to get this posted MUCH earlier than last year’s part two.  Fall ’10 is so much happier to write about than fall ’09, so that helps the process.

July was largely spent in Dayton when my BG job went on hiatus for a few weeks.  During those three weeks home, I came to a few realizations: this was probably the last solid amount of time I would ever spend working at Coldstone, and also the last solid amount of time I would spend living in my childhood home.  Both of those things simultaneously wrench at my gut and feel right to me.  I didn’t fit in with the high schoolers at Coldstone and was increasingly just short on patience with my boss, and home just seemed lackluster compared to BG.  Probably because I was in the midst of the best summer of my life here, and didn’t appreciate the interruption to go home, work a job with coworkers I didn’t really care to know, live with my parents instead of my roommates, and spend quiet nights in instead of at college bars.  Not so shocking, then, to have the reaction I had.  The majority of my July was actually spent away from BG, come to think of it.  I drank a bit with friends from home, spent the first part of the month in Dayton like I mentioned, and the last two weekends in Kentucky visiting my sister and in Michigan at a family member’s Christmas tree farm.  Yes, you read that right.  It was AWESOME.  I went tubing for the first time in Kentucky, and four-wheeling for the first time in Michigan, and loved both.  I feel like those are some quintessential Midwestern summertime distractions, right there.  Garsh.  August was a weird month of waiting for things.  The first two weeks were my final two weeks at my beautiful summer home, and I spent them alternately eagerly anticipating moving into my new apartment and holding on like hell to the place and people I was with.  And then I spent the first week in my new apartment lonesome for my summer house and my new roommate, who spent the whole week working all day, and waiting, waiting, waiting for classes to start.  And then, BAM, I was a senior.

Once my other roommate moved in and the school year kicked off, I settled in really quickly.  Summer, as a season, was winding down, but still infusing my first few weeks of school with so much sunshiney bliss.  I guess it helps that I fell rapidly in love with my roommates, as well.  I wore a dress every day for the first week of classes.  Someone professed their deep and intense crush on me, and then left for Europe.  The feeling was not mutual; in fact, I was so weirded out that I shut that person out of my life entirely.  Sometimes I’m kind of a dick.  Don’t worry, though!  Things are better now!  But that’s for next year’s recap.  Late August and early September are practically indistinguishable in my mind.  It was all just breezey warmth, learning my routine, starting to figure out what the year was going to be like.  Mid-September, my grandmother passed away.  Ugh, I remember that morning so clearly.  The texts from my sister implying something was wrong, until I just snapped “WHAT is going on?”  Crying alone in my room, before I told anyone.  My half-hearted attempt to cheer myself up by going to the football game.  It was so terrible.

Fortunately, things did look up from there.  I did not descend into the depths of despair.  The rest of September was a little gray, but October really livened things up.  I think I managed to drink every weekend, despite being the sickest I’ve been in a while mid-month.  I know I started the month off terribly.  TERRIBLY.  Let’s not revisit the decision I made that night.  I kissed at least three different coworkers this month, so you know it was a shitshow.  I think we can measure the stability of my life in any given month by the number of coworkers I kiss therein.  SCIENCE.  Anyway, October, hummmmm, hewwww hawwwww.  God, I think this is the shortest year in review segment I’ve ever written.  It’s not that October wasn’t good, or that first semester wasn’t good, it’s just that second semester was SO MUCH BETTER.  I don’t even give a shit about October, I wanna talk about January and February!  That’s when the real adventures were!  But, okay, focus, focus.  Fall break happened.  It started out really promisingly, with a visit to one of my best lady friends in Cincinnati, where men ten years older than us tried to pick us up at the bar and what we drunkenly thought were members of an opposing campaign (my friend was an intern on a Senate race) ate in a booth behind us at a diner at 3 AM.  Duh, we tried to spy on them.  We were drunk, so I don’t think it was spying so much as me leaning back verrrrrry obviously and then whispering everything I could hear back to my friend across the table.  And then I went home for a few days, got in a HUGE fight with my dad about green olives because my life is funny that way, and drove back to BG angry.

Halloween weekend was one of my favorite weekends of senior year.  The Halloweens of my freshman, sophomore, and junior years were, respectively, the first time I ever kissed a boy at/got drunk at college, completely unmemmorable, and relatively underwhelming with a side of regret.  But this year, we (and every time I say “we”, I’m most likely referring to my roommates and best friend A.) went out and went hard Thursday, Friday, Saturday.  My favorite part, which I didn’t tell anyone about, was drunkenly holding hands with the guy I liked on Saturday’s walk home.  We got lost, peed in a front yard, A. knocked over a mailbox on a post, and all went our separate ways eventually.  This is kind of a bittersweet memory now, but again, that’s something for the Spring ’11 recap.  And then November rolled in.

One of my favorite people, my friend C., came up to visit just when I needed someone around to whom I could confess this burgeoning crush I had goin’ on.  She was in a remarkably similar situation, and it was incredibly comforting to me just to hear her story.  We were ladies unlucky in love together that weekend.  Then I went to a concert with said crush, and….MISTAKE.  My darling roommate H. has a hypothesis that it’s dangerous territory to listen to songs you love with or start to recognize the smell of the guy you like, because that’s when the heartstrings REALLY start to get tangled, and….yep.  That’s all I can say.  Yep.  I was a bit lovelorn in November.  But I don’t mean to make this sound more serious than it really was, because I still managed to flirt with some bad-idea people and crush on yet another coworker (this one the worst idea of all, no lies). 

Jesus.  From the way I write in these recaps, you’d think all I ever did was flirt and make out with coworkers and develop crushes that go nowhere.  I promise you, in November I did do some positive, productive things.  I fucking rocked out on the GRE!!!  I scheduled myself a much-needed haircut!  AND my classes for the spring!  What else, what else.  November seems pretty unmemorable, too, which is frustrating because I know I was happy and the world felt sweet, I just can’t remember any of the specifics.  I was listening to crappy music, spending time at the summer home, seeing movies for cheap, going to classes and doing homework, TFunding.  Regular life.  OK, so I did some Facebook excavating, and also roommate M. and I were really obsessed in November with that one AFLAC commercial with the goat, too.  So there’s your random memory for the month.  Thanksgiving was lovely but uneventful.  I went, as I have for the past I-don’t-know-how-many years, to the Christmas tree lighting in downtown Dayton, and then got STUPID drunk by ten that night and confessed that huge crush to A., who was a mutual friend of the guy and me.  OK, so December.  I got a haircut, I drank some wine, I went to an Ugly Christmas Sweater party, I kissed a pretty consistent KUI, and struggled through finals week.  Roommate M. actually needed emergency transporting home mid-finals-week, which led to my first all-nighter of senior year.  That was an eerie night.  All of us had been in our beds, but none of us had been sleeping when the bad news hit.  We drove her halfway, to be picked up by a family friend, and then roommate H. and I drove home in the wee small hours of the morning, wailing along with Tegan and Sara, and ate breakfast together while the sun rose.  I had a paper to finish, she had a final to study for.  Shortly thereafter, we had finally, mercifully made it to Christmas break.  And within a few days, I had figured out my future in more clearly defined ways than ever before, so that was neat.  I feverishly shopped for Christmas, loved on my family, got in a lot of good sister time, and was overall a decently happy girl.  Nevertheless, I was still overjoyed to come back to BG for a night on December 31st.  I spent the day with A. shopping for dresses, and then started drinking.  I was a little blue welcoming in 2011, because of that GODDAMNED crush, but not to worry!  In just a few days, life got AWESOME and so so so so much happier than I realized was possible.  I thought, throughout all of fall semester, that I knew what happy was, but the fall just doesn’t even compare when I think about the last five months.  Stay tuned for 2011, Part I, y’all, cause everything got SO GOOD.

I’m graduating tomorrow, and for the past few weeks the most RIDICULOUS things have been making me really weepy and nostalgic.  So that explains this: I’m all spazzy and hyped from my last Starbucks of my undergraduate career.  I feel like my weirdest updates here have sprung from Starbucks-highs, and the fact that this is the last time in my college career that this will ever happen makes me so SAD.  Oh man!  This sucks!  Someone hit rewind!  I had an actual thing to say, but forgot what it was amidst all my rhapsodizing about Starbucks.  Jesus Christ.

From The Heart

It is at times like theeeeeeese, my trusted friends, that I feel like I haven’t learned a GODDAMNED THING in the past year.  Not one goddamned thing.  Haven’t changed one iota of my being.  Ay papi.

A History Of Intoxication

A few weekends ago I celebrated my 22nd birthday.  I was really excited for all the festivities that ensued, but honestly, I was a little hesitant, too.  The past year, pretty much from the day after my last birthday, has been the happiest of my life, easily.  I made new and better relationships, I spent a summer living in BG, I moved into my first apartment, I started to actually actively enjoy going to my job, I fell rapidly in love with my roommates, and I went out much, much more.  Don’t get me wrong- there have definitely been mistakes made, heartaches, losses, tears, fights, and disappointments.  I’m just so much better equipped to handle all of the above than ever before, and the good has far outweighed the bad, like to a ridiculous degree.  And of course I also realize that it’s not like I only get some finite amount of happiness- one year and that’s it, it’s over.  I know that I’ll probably continue to be just as happy at 22 as I was at 21, but this is the first 365 days of my life, from birthday to birthday, that I can remember not having a significant blue period; in fact, this is the first year that I have been acutely aware from day to day and week to week how blissfully happy I was.  Sometime around June, I started realizing just what a good year I was having, and began chronicling my weekends, since those tended to be when the most adventures happened.  And so I bring to you today, without further ado, my year’s most memorable, fun, or just all out wild weekends:

• March 19th:  My 21st birthday was actually kind of a mess, and not the joyful occasion I had been looking forward to; thankfully, the next night a few friends from home came up to BG and took me out and got me properly wasted.  It was a beautiful shitshow of a night.
• April 1st:  April Fools’ Day.  This is kind of the kick-off of a spree of heavy (for a girl who went out probably about five times throughout fall semester) drinking on my part that lasted allllll the way through summer.  I made stupid decisions, had Corner Grill, a local haven for hungry drunks, for the first time, and mildly regretted my life the next morning.
• May 7th: This was quite possibly one of my favorite days of the past year.  I woke up in my empty, lonely dorm room, did a half-ass job on a take-home final, then started packing up my things to move out to my summer home.  My best friend from home called and announced her intention to come up and drink with me that night.  She arrived just in time to help me pack my car for the haul across town, and just as we shut the last load up in my backseat, the tornado sirens starting wailing.  It was barely spitting rain, so we looked at each other, shrugged, and said “Eh, let’s just start driving”.  We piled all of my shit in my new room in a new house, changed, and headed to dinner and the bars, where an all-out end of the year party was taking place.  There were many shots taken, many co-workers drunkenly clutched at, and someone that looked like Tiger Woods hit on my new roommate’s 18-year-old sister.  Summer had officially begun.
• June 18th-19th: My absolute FAVORITE summer weekend.  Also, incidentally, the first weekend I had Four Lokos.  It’s probably for the best that they revamped the drink and took out the caffeine.  That Friday night, we weren’t even sure we were going to go out.  It had been storming all evening, the tornado sirens were going off again, and the sky was the color of a four-day-old bruise.  However, things had cleared up by about 11:00, so we threw on sandals and sundresses, went to a party to play flip cup with the aforementioned Four Lokos, danced like maniacs, lost the key to my car, threw up in front of the city’s courthouse, recorded drunken videos, nearly concussed myself with our shower curtain rod, drunkenly solicited a boy I had had a crush on, and laid in my bed all day Sunday nursing a hangover and watching the World Cup.  Weekend of epic proportions.
• July 8th: We developed this bad habit over the summer of running through a fountain on campus at the end of our drunken nights, and around the middle of the summer, the BG cops started to realize this.  That was why, this night, the water in the fountain was blue.  The Four Loko is why, this night, I didn’t realize it and woke up with a white skirt with blue swaths all over it.  And that blue fountain water was why, this night, I slipped, ripped open a rather long strip of foot skin, and limped around for literally the next two weeks.  That’s now one of my favoite scars.
• August 27th: It was the weekend after classes started, and I got a ride to the bars on the handlebars of a French man’s bicycle.  Let that sink in for a moment.  I took jaeger bombs with my roommate’s business fraternity, went to a party for international students, and kissed a stranger on the sidewalk after the bars let out.  Totally auspicious start to my senior year, right?
• October 28th-30th: Not only was this Halloween weekend, but it was also one of my best friends’ birthdays.  We went hard Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.  We’re talking shots everywhere, boys boys and more boys, texts like mad, drunken walks home.  All that, PLUS costumes.
• December 31st: Ok, confession time: I’ve really NEVER had a proper drunken New Year’s celebration, so I was motherfuckin determined this year to do it up right.  Well.  That backfired somewhat.  There was this boy…. God, how many sad, sad stories of fucked up nights begin like that??  Anyway, I had really counted on seeing him at a New Years’ party that night, but we ended up never making it because my roommate didn’t want to go to a party with a bunch of people she’d never met before.  We went to the bars instead, and come 1:30 in the morning, I was definitely that girl stumbling down stairs and crying.  It was raining, I was drunker and unhappier than I had wanted to be, and I ended the night by throwing every single thing on my bedside table across the room.  Happy 2011.
• January 8th: Ooooooh, but the next weekend I spent in Ann Arbor visiting a friend of a friend and I got the perfect amount of tipsy and just danced my ASS off at this club, and mannnn it was such a good night, I still daydream about it sometimes.
• February 12th: Really, all of February was one drunken, adventurous mess.  February was a great, rdiculous month.  But this night….this was probably one of the better drunken nights.  It was the formal for my job, which is not nearly as lame as it sounds.  It was basically an excuse for us all to get drunk together.  And did we ever.  There was pre-gaming and post-gaming at this guy’s apartment, Iwas coming off the rush of the weekend before, where many many happy events occurred, and I was surrounded on all sides by people who seemed intent on hitting on me.  Late February was kind of messy and things got weird around Spring Break, but this night my life was still just at that precipice, about to head into free-fall, but still at that okay point.  Looking back, it’s kind of a “If I knew then what I know now” kind of nights. 

And now…. here we are.  I thought about including my birthday night on the list, but it was really kind of lackluster this year.  I got drunk, don’t get me wrong, but one of my roommates had a friend in from out of town, my summer roommate stayed sober, I had been teary and sad earlier that day, I texted someone I should have not texted, etc.  It was a bit of a let-down.  BUT, I’ve got the rest of the school year ahead of me, as well as potennnnnnntially another summer spent here in BG (??) and then who the FUCK knows, so I really do believe the next 365 days hold a lot more crazy, adventurous, ridiculous, fun, drunken weekends, too, and i kind of can’t wait.

February Finale

Happy last day of February.  Can I just tell you that I will NEVER again tempt fate the way I did by continuously proclaiming February the most boring month of the year?  Talk about bating the universe.  THAT was stupid.  I did like I wanted and posted more in February 2011 than maybe any other month in the history of my little blog, and myyyyy good God, what a fucking month it was.  Hit the ground running a few days in with our luau party, which provided more than expected amounts of personal drama and excitement, and things have not slowed up since.  If I were to provide you with a few sentences to recap my Saturday night/Sunday morning, you just wouldn’t believe me.  Straight up.  I barely believe me.  There were scenes straight out of a Lifetime movie, only things could have turned out so much, much worse for a friend and I than they did.  I would go so far as to say that I was criminally stupid.  Suffice it to say that at one point, around 4:30 in the morning, I was in my car in downtown Toledo convinced that I was about to get knifed.  It is a mystery to me why I didn’t.  I still am trying to wrap my mind around things, and am still trying to decide how much of my Saturday story is really appropriate to publicize, but once I get all that figured out, more details may be forthcoming.  I learned a few lessons, that’s for sure.  The main one being, never crow about how February is usually sooooo boring, but this one is going to be sooooo good and exciting, because the universe doesn’t appreciate cockiness, and WILL knock you on your ass just to show you who’s boss.  Consider me put in my place, cosmos.